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Sunday, 22 April 2007

Big Brother - Big Bore

Skanky, skanky, skanky

*Groan* the new season of Big Brother starts tonight much to my disgust. I hate this show with an irrational passion and whenever a new season starts it means I have to avoid Channel 10 like the plague until it's over. This is not usually too difficult, as there are only two shows worth watching on Ch 10 anyway, but it means I have to tape them so I'm not bombarded with Big Brother ads. I mean really, is Australia the only country that keeps airing this juvenile drivel? Surely not.

I'm not sure why I hate this show so much to tell the truth - it's not just because of the vapid, air-headed bimbos and himbos they inevitably stock the house with every year, and it's not only because of the ageing, mutton-dressed-as-lamb skanky ho "host" Gretel Killeen who they keep letting in front of the camera every year to present it (although this is the major reason), and it's not only because it is so far removed from "reality" that it might as well be filmed on Pluto. But hate it I do. I am proud to say I have never in it's entire 5 long years of running, watched a single episode of this trash. And thankfully now that I am not working, I won't be subjected to any more complete word for word he-said-she-said rehashes of the previous night's episode and of who tried to shag who or who stripped in the shower etc etc at the water cooler every day. Thank God!

In my opinion, if Ch 10 really wanted to make an interesting "reality" show about a bunch of young people living in a house they should make it more like a real sharehouse situation. I have a few suggestions, based on real-life experiences from when I was living in a share-house. The resulting tensions and blow-ups among the housemates was well worth televising.

1. make one of the contestants the lease-holder who is responsible for collecting the rent and expenses from the other housemates each week. The other housemates invariably do not have any money until the following week/fortnight and thus the rent is always in arrears. The leaseholder then becomes increasingly stressed with every demand letter from the landlord.

2. Instead of building a purpose-built luxury house on the Gold Coast, they should make them live in an original 3 bedroom/1 bathroom Queenslander which was constructed in 1891 and never renovated, with bad plumbing, faulty wiring and ancient carpet.

3. The hot water system should never allow for more than two 5-minute showers each day. Under any circumstances should there be a dishwasher.

4. Only half of the housemates are single. The other half will constantly have their partners over for days on end who use all the hot water, eat all the food in the fridge and have sex on the couch. The housemates with partners will not pay extra rent/bills to compensate the single housemates.

5. The fridge will be a third-hand clunker with a faulty seal and only have enough room for the foodstuffs of three people. This is fine because there is only ever 1 person who buys groceries. All food in the fridge will be labelled with that person's name, but no-one else will care (or be able to read) and eat it anyway.

6. There will be at least 1 housemate (a female of course) who hogs the only bathroom for hours each morning and evening and locks the door and won't let you use the loo. So you have to go to work without a shower. In summer.

I'm sure I could think of others, but these are the situations that I remember most vividly from my share-house days. If anyone has others, please feel free to add them in a comment. I like to live vicariously.


Kim said...

lol Kitty...I couldn't agree more!!! the show is a total waste of time.....
as for sharing...I did it once with 4 students (music and art and uni...the combination alone was lethal).....worst moment...having to share the verandah part of the house with a uni student who ate smoked oysters morning, noon and night.....eeewww the smell was awful.....the whole experience only lasted 6 months...then I gave up and went back to the comforts of home!!!!

Kitty said...

Ewww yuck smoked oysters! I can only imagine the fart smell! I lost count of how many times I moved back in with mum until I finally bought my own house and lived alone for 3 years of bliss bliss bliss!